As part of this series, I conduct interviews with fascinating people who have resided all over the country and the globe. These occasional interviews appear as podcast episodes (available through your browser or on various podcast apps) and while the starting place for these interviews are questions about physical “homes”, we get to talk about all sorts of other things that are (or are not) “home” in their lives.
Please be advised: In this conversation about “home”, Mary shares (in general terms) her experience with relationship abuse. This portion of the conversation runs from the 18:00-24:30 minute mark.
Welcome to my next guest (and another dear friend), Mary White from Denver, Colorado! Mary and I have been friends since seventh grade in Columbia, South Carolina, when we were paired together on a school field trip to the coast. Since then, we’ve spent a lot of time at each others’ houses for sleepovers, trips to the lake and the beach, and continuing our friendship into our adult years.
Mary is a geologist and tells us a little bit of fascinating information about what the job of a geologist looks like, and it’s even more mysterious than I thought! She talks about what it was like to move to Florida* after college and then stay there for a relationship, and shares what it can feel like to be stuck in a place and a marriage that makes home not at all a safe place to be. She reflects on some important points about her experience with relationship abuse, and how living in an expensive city (for her, Miami) can make people feel even more trapped and despondent.
When she returned to Columbia to regroup after her divorce, she thought that she was probably back to stay. But unlike my previous guest’s return to her hometown, Mary realized that this “home” wasn’t what she wanted anymore. And so she moved again—and the location might surprise you (it wasn’t Denver yet)! Once she did make it to Denver, she got to experience that incredible feeling, at age 34, of being in a stable relationship and finally living in a place of her own choosing.
This episode was also recorded during the thick of the Murdaugh trial, and while at the time we did not know the outcome, it’s always fascinating to us (as former South Carolinians) to see a light shone on some of the eccentricities (good and bad and very, very bad) of our corner of the country.
Finally, relationship abuse is an issue that is near and dear to me, and I fully support people who are willing to talk about their experiences, no matter where they are in the process. If you or someone you know is experiencing relationship abuse (or even if you’re not sure), visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline. And you can read more about why this is important to me here.
Reflection questions:
Do you think the phrase “you can never go home again” is true or false? Why or why not?
Have you ever moved somewhere for a relationship? What are your feelings about it now?
* Every single one of my guests so far has lived in Florida. Can someone explain: what’s the deal with Florida?!
Image: Mary on the Mayflower Gulch Trail, Leadville, CO. Photo by Mark E. White.
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